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| Pictures Sounds Video Bio |
Okay, here's the deal. Let's say Frank had made a pilot in the mid-fifties for a sitcom in which he would have starred. (For all I know, he might have.)
What would the script for that pilot look like? Well, we've come up with the beginning of a possible version of that script, with the help of some previous visitors to this site.
Keep in mind, we're talking mid-fifties, so there's a lot of white bread, big cars, and an apron for Mom.
Cast of Characters:
FRANK JOHNSON--A husband and father who works as a family court judge
BETSY JOHNSON--His wife
FRANK (SKIP) JOHNSON, JR.--Their 17-year-old son
CATHY JOHNSON--Their 15-year-old daughter
BILL HENDERSON--Their neighbor
TED WILSON--A colleague of Frank's who is also a judge
FADE IN
A typical suburban living room, furnished modestly but with good taste.
Frank enters through the front door.
FRANK (loudly)
Betsy, I'm home!
BETSY (offstage)
Frank, is that you?
FRANK
No, it's the Fuller Brush man.
BETSY (entering from the kitchen, wearing a housedress and an apron)
We really have all the brushes we--
FRANK (interrupts her as she sees him)
Of course it's me! Who else would it be?
BETSY
Actually, I thought you were Skip.
FRANK
Oh, is Skip calling you "Betsy" now? I know he's getting more independent,
but we've got to draw the line somewhere. And why would he be getting
home at 2:00 in the afternoon?
BETSY
The school gave him time to come home and eat before his basketball game.
What's your excuse?
FRANK
A water main burst near the courthouse, so they shut down the building.
Besides, do I need an excuse to come home early and see my darling wife?
BETSY
Of course not, dear.
(HE KISSES HER ON THE CHEEK)
---From Block6138@aol.com---
SKIP (enters)
I'm home! Where's lunch? I gotta get to the game.
BETSY
It's in the kitchen, dear.
FRANK
Are you gonna win the game?
SKIP
Probably not.
FRANK
Why not?
SKIP
Well, there's this girl at school. She's going to the game.
FRANK
Frank: So what?
SKIP
Everytime I see a girl I get all wobbly. I guess I'm just in love.
FRANK
Skip, you're not in love. You're clumsy.
SKIP
I am?
FRANK
Yes. There wasn't a girl that you were sweet on at the last game, was there?
SKIP
No.
FRANK
Then why were you tripping over your shoes?
SKIP
I tripped?
FRANK
Yes.
SKIP
Then why don't I remember?
FRANK
Well, the doctor said you wouldn't remember.
---From mph@indy.net---
(Phone rings. Cathy rushes to answer it.)
CATHY
I'll get it!
FRANK (sarcastic)
Oh, you WILL, WILL YOU??
CATHY (frustrated)
It might be Glenda or Wilbur.
FRANK (jokingly sarcastic)
Glenda's a nice name for a girl ....!
(Pause for laughter)
CATHY (about to give up)
Wilbur's in my drama class.
FRANK (gloating with curiosity)
What animal does he play?
(Skip answers the phone)
SKIP
Hello? .... Hi, Wilbur.
(Frank takes phone from Skip)
FRANK (in rare form)
What animal do you play?
WILBUR (doesn't know what's going on)
What ....?
(Cathy takes phone from Frank)
CATHY (annoyed facial expression at Frank, then returns to Wilbur
with indecision as to explain the matter)
I'm sorry, Wilbur. You know my dad ....
WILBUR (confused, but consoling)
Yeah .... I guess so ....
CATHY (she turns to Frank who's got that cunningly evil smile at her)
He's just joking around ... as usual.
FRANK (so as to be overheared by Wilbur)
What kind of a play is it? - Old MacDonald's farm??
CATHY (turning away from Frank in shame)
Maybe this isn't such a good time for you to be calling right now.
WILBUR
Well .... (pause) I understand. (pause) But the reason I called
you was to tell you we're doing a diffrent play next week.
CATHY
Oh ....?
WILBUR
Yeah .... Mrs. Eznorra's sick with the flu. I think our substitute's
Mr. Quintuplets. (short pause) So I'll see you Monday.
CATHY (sickeningly stunned)
Okay .... Bye ....
(Cathy hangs up the phone and looks back at Frank. Door bell rings.
Betsy walks to the front door with a puzzled glance at Cathy and
Frank. She opens the door. Ted Wilson's on the porch looking around,
then sees Betsy.)
TED
Hi, Betsy! (then a quick greeting to Frank and Cathy before
returning to Betsy.)
BETSY
Won't you come in?
TED
Thanks! (Ted enters family room)
(Cathy exits. Frank joins Betsy and Ted.)
FRANK
Well, Ted, how's the family?
TED
Let's see .... Ross is allergic to reptiles; Cameron's planter
wart looks like ...." (pause) ".... a hairy potato; Erma's taking
a combination tap dance / ballet lesson over at Shubert Theater.
So when she's done dancing to Swan Lake she can end it with a --
(Ted tries to do a brief tap dance)
TED
Like that.
(Pause for laughter)
TED
(noticing he just danced on their new carpet)
Oh - I'm ... sorry, Frank ... I - I -
BETSY
Not to worry, Ted - there's a wear date underneath it.
FRANK
(staring down at carpet, then to Ted)
And we're looking into the future right now!
BETSY
(reassuringly)
Nothing lasts forever ....
FRANK
Like patent leather shoes!
TED
(not knowing what to say or do)
Gosh, Frank, I got so excited ....
BETSY
It's all right, Ted. Would you like some coffee?
FRANK
(to Betsy)
Do you want him to do the jitter bug, TOO?!
BETSY
(outraged)
FRANK!
FRANK
(attmpting to calm the matter)
Let's go to the kitchen, shall we?
INT: KITCHEN (They enter. Betsy begins to prepare the coffee.
Ted and Frank sit at the table.)
FRANK
What's up?
TED
There's a big caseload to work on this Tuesday and Judge ....
(looks for the note he wrote in each of his pockets)
(Betsy turns around to see what's going on for a few seconds,
then returns to continue preparing the coffee)
(Frank watches Ted carefully, then ...)
FRANK
Judge ....
TED
(facing Frank)
Ummmm ....
(Frank removes the note from Ted's lapel pocket and holds
it up to Ted)
FRANK
Is this it? (reads note) Judge Orson?
TED
(relieved)
YEAH - THAT'S THE GUY!
He scares Betsy who impulsively scatters coffee grounds over
the counter.
FRANK (looking straight at Ted)
There IS no Judge Orson.
TED (Befuddled)
That can't be -- let me see the note.
Frank hands the note to Ted.
TED (reading note)
Okay ....
FRANK (smirkingly)
Judge Conrad! How in the world did you --
TED
Well, it looks like Orson when it's upside down!
FRANK
That's impossible -- and neither does Judge Conrad!
TED (hoping for a reasonable excuse)
I guess I have bad handwriting.
FRANK (authoritative)
Ted ....
Betsy referees.
BETSY
Okay, you two! Frank, stop pestering Ted! Ted, put on your
reading glasses!
FRANK (gloating)
O o o o o o h !! So now you need BIFOCALS, eh?!
BETSY (becoming flustered)
YES, Frank! Ted's eyes were examined last year, and YES, he
DOES WEAR BIFOCALS!
FRANK
Judge ....
Pause.
TED (confused)
What?
FRANK
Judge ....
Pause.
FRANK (determined)
J u u u u u d g e ....
BETSY (explosive)
ORSON!!
Pause. Frank and Ted look at Betsy, then all three return to
what they were doing before the outburst.
FRANK (having a blast)
Oh -- Teddy-boy!
Betsy leaves the kitchen in disgust.
TED (confused)
Judge Orson?
FRANK (jubilantly)
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! AND HE CAME SO CLOSE THAT TIME, TOO!!
Ted gets up from chair.
TED (trying to back out gracefully)
I gotta be going, now, Frank ....
FRANK
WHAT -- NO COFFEE??
Ted makes a clumsy exit from kitchen.
TED
Uh -- no thanks, Frank.
FRANK
Where are your glasses?
TED
Yeah -- I will ....
Frank stops Ted.
FRANK
No, .... where are your glasses?
TED
They're in my sweater, why?
FRANK
What are they doing in your sweater?
Ted eases out of the kitchen.
TED
I'm late for work! See yuh later!
Frank exits kitchen and heads upstairs to his room. Upon
reaching the top he hears Skip shouting out his bedroom
window to Wilbur who's coming to walk Cathy to school.
-- From Trevor (LmpyGrvy40@aol.com) --
SKIP
Ok, just make sure dad doesn't see you.
FRANK (to skip's door)
SKIP?!
(skip opens door)
SKIP
Yeah, dad?
FRANK
Make sure dad doesn't see him what?
(Skip gives an exhausted sigh of relief)
SKIP
Pick up Cathy.
FRANK
Oh, well, for once I suppose she can do something that she wants.
(Quieter) I'll even keep quiet to Betsy.
SKIP
Gee, thanks dad. Hey, can Wilbur take me to the game since he's going
to the school anyway? He already told me he could.
FRANK (smiling)
Sure.
SKIP (going downstairs)
Gosh dad, you're the greatest.!
FRANK
I'll come and see you at the game.
(We now see our star sitting in the front row of bleachers near the coach on
the sports court.)
COACH
Defense, Juranski! Stop spinning around! Are you basketball players or
Lazy Susans?!
FRANK (tapping coach on shoulder)
Uhh, sir, I notice the actions of that
player (pointing) and maybe he should be on defense. And perhaps that one
(pointing again) should take his place.
COACH
Hmm, maybe so. You know what Mr.? You may be of some help to me. We
haven't found a replacement coach for the team while I'm away this week.
Would you be interested?
FRANK
Well, that fits right in. I have this week off, until a water main is
fixed near my courthouse. I'd be glad to do it.
COACH
What's your name, chum?
FRANK
Frank Johnson.
COACH
Like Skip Johnson?
FRANK
My son.
COACH
Well, (looking dizzy) good luck!